Doulas for Dads/Partners

Mar 11

The birth of your child is a big day for both you and your partner. If you are familiar with the role of a doula, you know that our primary focus is on the person who is giving birth. What you may not be aware of is all the ways a doula can help the non-birthing parent. In my last blog-post, I debunked some myths about doula support. I touched on one misconception that a doula will take a partners place. Today I want to focus on how a doula can specifically help the non-birthing parent. I'll show some of the emotional, informational, and practical support a doula can provide. I'll also provide some quotes from fathers who have first hand experience with doula support. Dad’s/Partner’s, today I’m talking to you!

How can a doula help me?

EMOTIONAL SUPPORT

Giving birth is one of the hardest things a person will do in their life. Standing by as the person you love experiences the intensity of labor can leave you feeling helpless. A doula can help show you ways to support your partner and take some of the stress out of trying to navigate labor and birth. We can provide emotional support for you, so you can provide emotional support to your partner.

INFORMATIONAL SUPPORT

Birth is intense, we know this! Its only natural that when things start moving along, you might start to worry. Your doula can assure you that things are moving along normally. You probably wont remember all you have learned throughout pregnancy. Your doula can help with that information. When your provider gives you information, it may be difficult to understand, or you may feel so overwhelmed that you need them to repeat themselves. Your doula can help you get the information you need in a way you can understand.

PRACTICAL SUPPORT

Its no secret that labor isn't always fast. It takes time to bring a new life into the world! A long labor can leave you exhausted, hungry, and stressed. When you've been supporting your partner for 15 hours and need to take a nap, your doula can give you a break. When you haven't eaten in hours and you're hungry, your doula can help you find a moment to nourish yourself. Don’t want to leave your partners side? Your doula can sneak you bites of a sandwich while you do hip squeezes. When you just need a minute to clear your head, your doula will be there to support your partner while you take a walk. Of course, the focus is on the laboring partner, but you need to take care of yourself as well. You cant pour from an empty cup.

SUPPORT AFTER BABY ARRIVES

While most of the time birth goes smoothly, there can be hiccups in your babies grand entrance. If your baby needs some extra attention in the NICU, your doula can stay with your partner while you accompany your baby. If your baby needs some help taking their first breath, your doula can explain what the medical staff are doing while they focus on baby. I've included a quote later on from Kyle, a father who’s twins made an early debut and one of them needed some extra care.

Don’t take my word for it!

I spoke with some fathers who had a doula support them and their partners during labor.

(Full disclosure: Two of these quotes are from personal clients of mine, and the other is from my Husband)

KYLE

As I stated above, Kyle's twins needed some extra care when they were born. One of them went to the NICU and the other stayed with Kyle's wife, Erica. Kyle was able to go with his son to the NICU knowing that his wife was not alone and was being supported.

“I knew when our big day arrived, having a good coach in my corner would help me focus my energy where it was needed. I made a conscious decision early in our pregnancy that on our big day every ounce of my focus was going to be on my wife’s well-being and the safe arrival of our twin boys. As an analyst I need a solid plan, and Emily was well prepared to help craft a birth plan that worked for our family’s needs. When things didn’t go as planned and our boys arrived early, Emily was able to adapt our needs for the present moment. Emily made sure that the things I had lost track of that were in our birth plan were taken care of, and that we as people were taken care of. There are few times in life you can buy peace of mind, and this is one of those times the investment is worth every penny.” - Kyle B

BRIAN

My husband, Brian, was hesitant on hiring a doula for the birth of our first child. After the fact, he was glad we made the decision to hire our doula, Brenda.

“Having a Doula made me confident that I could offer the support my wife needed during her births. I’d been raised on all these horror stories around bad experiences in birth, so I had always feared the process. Having a doula helped put me at ease leading up to the birth as it was all new to me the first time. Once we brought our Doula into the fold and she trained us on pain management and support techniques, I felt empowered to be an active member of the birth team not only as a physical support person, but also for emotional support. Once the day came, I was all the support my wife had for a time in the hospital until our Doula could arrive and I was able to help my wife through her labor and I felt more confident in helping my wife keep to our birth plan, and ask important questions to the hospital staff. I was also able to feel more relaxed because I knew we had someone in our corner who was just there for the comfort and care of my wife. Adding a Doula to our team was the best choice we could have made, and I wouldn’t have it any other way for future pregnancies.” - Brian R

ARIK

Arik's wife, Aly, had a pretty straightforward labor lasting 14 hours. Having a doula there for support is helpful even in the smoothest of births.

“Emily exceeded all of our expectations and made the 14 hours of labor a little more bearable. She was very prepared and full of knowledge. She was always suggesting a different idea that could bring a little more comfort to my wife. She was very patient with both my wife and myself and the midwives and hospital staff were glad to have her there too!” - Arik A

Bottom Line

A birth doula’s goal is to support your partner AND YOU during this important time in your life. Take some time to think about what you want from a doula and be sure to interview several potential doulas. Its important to find someone who you mesh well with and who’s personal style fits your needs. Birth is a big deal, and you deserve to be supported.

“Laboring women aren't the only ones going through a deep transformation when a baby is born. Babies' fathers also go through powerful inner changes as well – especially when they are ready to be as close to their partner as possible during the process.”

- Ina May Gaskin

HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW WE CAN HELP YOU HAVE A MORE POSITIVE BIRTH? LET’S CHAT! CONSULTATIONS ARE ALWAYS FREE.

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