Surviving the Holidays with a Baby

The holidays can be a stressful time for everyone. Add a baby and a global pandemic to the mix and we’re reaching entirely new levels of stress. While your holiday celebrations may look different this year, I still want to touch on some tips for surviving the holidays with a baby.

If you are going to venture to a family celebration, you may want to set the expectation ahead of time that no one is to hold the baby. That is your decision. You are the parents and what you say goes. If you do decide you are comfortable with family holding your baby, it’s important to have a plan for how you want to those interactions to go. It can be difficult to set boundaries when everyone wants to hold and snuggle the new baby, but in the times of Covid, its even more important. Of course you want to introduce your newest little one to their family and maybe enjoy a few minutes with your hands not cradling your newest little one.

Pass the Turkey, Not the Baby

Being passed around can stress babies out. Newborn babies are still adjusting to life in the world, and they find their comfort in your arms. When that phase passes, they seemingly immediately go into the “stranger danger” phase and scream at the sight of anyone new. They may cry more or show more feeding cues as a way to get back to you. “I'm uncomfortable, I want to eat”. I cant tell you how many times I thought (and heard from well meaning family members), “There’s no way she’s hungry again!” or “You take a break, I’ve got her".” And by all means, if you need that break, you take that break! You deserve it! There is no shame in accepting an offer to hold your baby for you. However, If that offer ends up with baby screaming and leaves you feeling even more anxious than before, its not helping anyone.

It may be helpful to have a conversation with your partner to establish that they are responsible for holding the baby when you need or want a break. Or maybe if you step away and baby becomes upset, your partner will actively step in and take them back from your family member. Maybe Grandma is the baby whisperer and can soothe even the fussiest of infants. Maybe you get a wrap or carrier to wear baby during the celebration. This can help to keep your hands free and you’re less likely to receive requests to hold baby when they’re all nice and cozy in their carrier.

Whatever your comfort zone may be with family holding baby during this pandemic may be, make sure you and your partner have discussed it before-hand and you’re on the same page.

Set Expectations

When you get to a point where you are finally able to step away for a few minutes without your baby sounding alarms, it can feel like a huge relief. Finally you can leave baby with someone and go have an uninterrupted conversation with your cousin or just go to the bathroom in peace, right? Yes! But make sure you set some expectations with whoever is watching your baby. I cant tell you how many times I’ve walked away after someone wants to play with my baby or toddler only to find them wandering towards the stairs by themselves just moments later. If someone wants to hold or play with your baby, set the expectation that they are now responsible for that baby until you return. This doesn’t have to be a super awkward conversation. A simple “I’ll be right back, you’re ok to watch her till I get back?” or “I’m going to run and grab a drink, let me know if you need to pass him back to me” will usually do the trick.

White Meat or Dark Meat? Bottle or Breast?

Bottle Feeding

Feeding time may be a perfect moment for you to step away. Your baby may be more calm in the arms of family if they are being fed. If you are practicing paced feeding with your baby, be sure the person giving the bottle knows the proper feeding method. Baby upright, bottle level with the floor, let baby open their mouth for the bottle instead of forcing it in, burp every half ounce, etc. you can find a helpful graphic for paced feeding here

Breast/Chest Feeding

Breastfeeding, while amazing and natural and all things wonderful, can be challenging at first. It can take time to become confident with getting baby latched on correctly, keep them awake, and keep them nursing. Adding a nursing cover to this can make it even more difficult. If you choose not to use a cover, awesome! Nurse on! If you do choose to use a nursing cover however, it can be helpful to practice at home ahead of time. Or you may choose to excuse yourself to feed baby in a room alone where you’re more comfortable. I cherished those moments alone with my newborn in the early days.

You may be tempted to bring along pumped milk so someone else can feed the baby. I totally get it! Keep in mind that you will still need to pump to replace that milk and to keep up your supply. When you skip a feeding, you are telling your body that you don’t need as much milk. Over time your supply can take a hit and that can add stress to your life.

It can feel strange and uncomfortable to set these expectations with your family. These are unprecedented times and we all want to get back to normal. If its done in a respectful and nonchalant way, it doesn’t have to be difficult. Also, I can guarantee you that there will be many more uncomfortable conversations around boundaries when it comes to your children. It’s just one of those perks of being a parent.

Have more holiday tips for parents? Leave them in the comments!

”We are imperfect humans, raising imperfect humans, in an imperfect world, and that’s perfectly OK”

-L.R. Knost

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