Choosing the Right Doula
Finding a doula who is suitable for your birth team can be daunting. Nobody wants to make a mistake and have buyer’s remorse or doula disappointment. Your birth space is sacred and private. Let’s face it, doula support can get expensive, making this an emotional purchase that many people put off. How does one even choose the right doula anyway? Take it from a couple of doulas who don't want to disappoint you. Support from a doula should be unlike any help you have ever received. Your doula should go above and beyond your expectations to ensure you are taken care of, and chemistry with your doula is a must. We want you to hire a support person who connects with you and your partner in a way that enhances your experience and leaves you feeling great about your choices. We want this for you even if that means you don’t choose to hire us.
Where to start
Most doulas offer a free consultation where you can meet the doula and get to know her without strings attached. Setting up a consultation should be easy to do through most doula websites. This meeting aims to get a feel for how your working relationship might look. You will get a chance to hear about the doula’s philosophy on birth, and what she can do for you. The doula will likely want to hear about your pregnancy and your goals for labor and birth. You should bring any questions you have to these meetings, and you don't need to feel obligated to hire the first doula you have a consultation with. It is like a first date, but with a lot less pressure. Listen to her elevator speech, and if you don’t like what she has to say or don't feel like you are a good match, move on and meet another doula. Even if you love what she said, it can’t hurt to interview more doulas in your area. Emily and I always recommend dating a few doulas before deciding on one. In fact, we have lost a client who was all set to hire us, but she heard us say, “interview more than one doula,” while listening to our podcast. She did just that and found her birth doula soul mate in an interview with another doula shortly after speaking with us. We couldn’t have been happier for her! That may surprise you, or sound a little crazy, but it just means she found the perfect person to be her doula, which is the dream because we want you to have the best match possible.
A great place to start your doula search is to ask your family and friends if they had a doula that they loved. Yes, I said a great place to begin your search, not a great place to end your search. The doula who was perfect for your sister-in-law isn’t necessarily the right doula for you, or maybe she is. Still, you aren’t going to want to make any assumptions about who is personally right for you. You can also turn to the internet. Good old Google will yield interesting results, but everyone knows you can’t always believe everything you read on the internet. Some great doulas I know are hard to find online or don't have the shiniest, most put-together websites or social media, so you have to dig. This is why it is crucial to go to a few different sources to find a great doula. If you have a provider you trust (and you should), they will be another fantastic source for recommendations.
My friend’s doula isn’t right; now what?
The good news is that there is a doula for everyone, and the right doula is out there. Before you interview doulas, you should sit down with your partner and discuss what is important to both of you. Some things you may want to consider;
Doulas from your community: It is no secret that black women face implicit bias and structural racism, which leads to a higher maternal mortality rate. It is vital that you feel safe with your birth team, and your doula is a constant on your birth team. Part of a doula’s job is to help you advocate for yourself. Feeling comfortable with your doula and knowing that she understands your culture and where you come from can be incredibly important. There is nothing wrong with clients and doulas of different backgrounds and races working together. Still, we do need to acknowledge that birth work is historically a black and indigenous profession. There are amazing BIPOC doulas who are making strides in birth work and have been for a long time. People who are having babies should know that they have the opportunity to be supported by doulas and birth workers from their community if that is something they desire.
Doulas who support your lifestyle: You may be looking for a doula who will use gender-affirming language and help you regardless of how you identify. While having a doula who supports the LGBTQ+ community does not guarantee a trauma-free birth experience, it does put another person in your corner to help amplify your voice.
Religion: Is it essential that your doula share your faith? Do you want a doula who will pray with you when you are in labor? Maybe you aren’t religious and want to be sure that your doula isn’t going to bring her religious beliefs into your birth. Most doulas are very professional about this, but it may be something to consider when interviewing someone.
Additional Services and Skills: Would you like a doula who has supported vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC)? Do you need a trauma-informed doula? Are you looking for more than just birth doula support? Many doulas are highly skilled in more than just birth support. Some doulas offer postpartum support, childbirth classes, birth photography and placenta encapsulation. Suppose you are looking for some of these services. In that case, it may help to ask potential doulas if they offer other services you are interested in, so you do not have to search around. An all-inclusive doula may be ideal if this is the case.
Aside from just a general vibe, you will be looking to have some of your questions answered. Some people don’t know what questions to ask a doula, though. Many potential clients come in and do not know what to expect from us. They listen to our run down, and when we ask them what questions they have, they look at each other and then back at us and sort of freeze.
Questions to ask a doula in an interview
What training have you had?
Are you certified, and if so, what organization are you certified with?
Tell me about your experience with birth personally as a doula.
What does your support look like, and what is included (labor/immediate postpartum)?
How will you support my birth if I am induced?
How will you support my birth if I have a cesarean?
How will you support my birth if I get an epidural?
What does your support look like if my labor is long or slows?
How do you help prepare my partner to support me during labor?
What is your refund policy/can I see your contract?
This is not a comprehensive list, but it will give you a good start. You may think of other things that are important to you. Some people prefer a more experienced doula, while others prefer a doula who was freshly trained. There are some red flags to look out for when choosing a doula, regardless of their experience.
Doula red flags
You feel that the doula you are interviewing won’t support your goals in your birth or has her own agenda for your birth. You should ask direct questions to clear up any miscommunication but always follow your instincts. A doula shouldn’t support a particular type of birth, a doula should support the birth you want, and if she can’t do that, then she is not the right doula for you.
The doula promises you a pain-free or fear-free labor and delivery. We cannot promise an outcome. If someone is promising you this, you should see it as a red flag. A doula can tell you that she will do her best to help you achieve these things, but she shouldn’t promise you that it will happen a certain way because she can’t guarantee an outcome.
The doula offers medical advice or says she can perform a medical exam like taking your blood pressure or checking your cervix. This is not in the scope of practice for a doula. A doula should always refer you to medical professionals. Doulas are non-medical support individuals, even if they are also nurses or also training to be midwives. When a doula has her doula hat on, she is a doula only, and that is not a medical role.
The doula dismisses your partner, refuses to answer their questions, or doesn’t make eye contact with them. Doulas are not there to replace your partner. If your partner expresses a specific need, for example, they just had surgery and need the doula for all physical support. That is one thing, but a doula should never make the birth partner feel like they are on the outside. There is a special bond between a birthing person and their partner that a doula cannot and should not replace. A doula should work to nurture the connection between you and your partner. A good doula will show your partner how they can be the best support for you.
Choosing a doula is only part of putting together an excellent birth team. You should also consider the provider you choose, the practice they are with, and if you aren’t planning a home birth, the hospital where you will have your baby. A doula doesn’t have the power to rescue you from a mismatched provider. However, she will be able to suggest ways to open up some dialog with them so you can advocate for yourself in pregnancy. Let me know how you found your perfect doula match in the comments!
